Guilt

You know those surveys you sometimes get in the mail where you open up the envelope and you find cash inside? Where they’re saying “Thank you in advance!” by giving you a crisp, new $2 bill?

Those surveys make my life morally miserable.

I, of course, put the $2 in my wallet (oh, how novel, a $2 bill!), and proceed to neglect to fill out the survey. Then, every time I open my wallet, that beautiful, blemish-free $2 bill stands sentry like a fire alarm wired to my conscious, triggering my guilt every time I see it. GREAT, now I feel guilty over 2 DOLLARS. So, I inevitable take the 30 minutes out of my life to fill out a survey about bathroom cleaning products (oh joy). Meanwhile, I’m secretly amazed at the marketing geniuses behind this brilliant scam. Kudos, marketing geniuses. You got me with $2. Kudos.